Too Many Toys? Here’s How You Fix It

A reservation I know a lot of parents have about giving their child an allowance is, “Do we want more stuff coming into the house?” I feel you. Like you, I have stepped on more than enough pieces of lego, never to want to see those vile blocks again. But if we’re going to give our little ones the opportunities to manage their own money, then we also need to provide them with the opportunity to bring new things into the house.

But like with all responsibilities, some limits can be put into place. Here is how you are going to manage the new influx of stuff that is coming in – *a toy equilibrium.

Establish a Toy Equilibrium

Do this before starting the allowance, or after a big toy purge. Establish that your house is now at its maximum amount of toys, the number of toys in the home can go down, but it can not go up. If a new toy is going to be coming into the house, that means a toy of equal size, or parts, or whatever criteria you deem fit for your home, needs to be removed.

Too many toysA toy equilibrium is an excellent way for your child to start prioritizing their belongings too. If they are really in need of that new transformer, Elsa, or whatever the latest thing is, then they should be willing to get rid of that other thing that has been collecting dust.

I, unfortunately, have passed along the hoarding gene to my son. I am a collector. Like me, my son does not like to get rid of anything. All trash could be a crafting item, all toys are special to him, and to give something away is always a great offence to him.  I can relate to that, but at the same time, we have limited space, and he has started to come to terms with that. It is still a fight to get rid of stuff. However, post-shopping, I do have him find items that he no longer uses to add to our giveaway pile, and so far, it has worked well.

Creating a Healthy Relationship with Stuff

With great power comes great responsibility. The ability to buy stuff means your little one needs to be responsible enough not to hoard things.  Saying goodbye to toys creates a healthy relationship between your child and things.  The ownership relationship is a critical part of money management.

Is it hard for you to say goodbye to stuff too?  When you do a toy purge, make sure your little one sees you purging some of your stuff also.  Model the behaviour we want, right?  Have you tried a toy equilibrium in your home?  How did it go?


* I first read about a Toy Equilibrium in Ron Lieber’s book The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids who are Grounded Generous, and Smart About Money

Practice Gratitude

I recently wrote, “Are We Rich?“.   I want to dive deeper into part of that post.  Giving is a topic that has come up numerous times. I genuinely believe that giving helps you feel more wealthy, and there is data to back this claim.

I want double down on this topic — the practice of gratitude.

As mentioned in my post, feeling rich or poor has a lot to do with comparing ourselves to others. That feeling is also tied into how we categorize our needs vs our wants. For example, if we feel like we need more stuff, we will often feel poorer.  It is especially challenging for our children who are exposed to so much marketing.  Being surrounded by friends who have the latest games, name brand clothes, or the newest wearable tech only compounds these feelings of lack.

How do we combat that feeling of need?   Gratitude.  There is a growing body of data that shows that gratitude changes the mind and body in positive ways.

Enter the Practice of Gratitude

To combat that feeling of “I need more”, it is helpful to reflect upon how fortunate we are.    I don’t journal often, but when I do, I start by writing about what I appreciate.  It unusually revolves around family and friends, but not always.  I will write about how I’m grateful for my home, our vacations, and the good fortune I have had that day or week.

You may have taken the time to think about where you want to be 10 years from now. But how often have you thought about where you had hoped to be ten years ago?  When you reflect, you may find that you have a lot to be grateful for today.  It is through this practice of reflecting on our good fortune, that hopefully we can remember how much.  In time, this habit replaces the constant thinking about how much we want or do not have.

Have your Kids Practice

For my kids, we do this at bedtime.  As we are talking about our day, one of the questions I ask is, “what are you grateful for?” What I enjoy about this moment is that we get to hear what our kids are thinking. We listen to what they appreciate about our actions towards them. “I appreciated that you played x with me” is always a heartwarming one. We also get to use this moment to tell our kids the things that they do that we appreciate — the things we may have overlooked in the moment. “I appreciate that you cleaned up after breakfast without me having to ask “, for example. We also get to show them that we’re grateful for our connections to our friends and family and the material things that we have in our lives.

I can’t say that so far I have noticed any change in their level of desire for material things, but I’m hoping with time it may.  The hope is that I can point back to some of the things that they mentioned in their night time reflections when they start talking about how much they want/need something new.   Good luck convincing me you are in desperate need of something if just we talked about all the things that you have in your life for which you are grateful.

Do you practice gratitude journals or gratitude reflections with your kids? If you do, have you noticed any difference in their level of desire before and after you started? Have you noticed a difference in yourself? Let me know?

When should I start talking to my kids about money?

“When should I start talking to my kids about money?” This is a question I received from a dad I was speaking with last week. Great question. When is too early and when is too late? Let me start with it is never too late to start talking about money with your children. I would advocate for sooner rather than later as I’m a believer that our relationship with our children changes from teacher to adviser once our children are teenagers. That means the prime ages to be teaching your children about money is during the grade school years, but in reality, there is no end date.

Start Now

So the time to start talking to your kids about money is as soon as you can. I think we should always be talking to our kids about money. Money is so fundamental to everything we do. As our children’s first and most constant teachers, it is critical that we talk to them about money.  We need to talk about how it works and how it affects our lives. Unfortunately, we are all so busy getting through our days and focusing on our children’s academics and extracurricular activities the topic of money slips through the cracks. Or, if we do end up talking about money, it is often in the context of why we will not be buying them something.

If you want to know what you should be teaching your toddler, vs grade-schooler or older, the answer is underwhelming, “it depends”. You need to use your child as a gauge. Just as each child will hit developmental milestones at different ages, children will be able to grasp the concepts of money at different ages. Also, some children show more of an interest in money earlier than others. So don’t overwhelm your child with financial tables, but don’t keep them in the dark about that card you keep pulling out of your wallet either. If they are showing an early interest in money, then you should reciprocate that interest and feed it. But it has to match their abilities.

My First Attempt

When I first tried to give my son an allowance, he just wasn’t able to keep up with the denominations or basic addition or subtraction. He was interested in money, yes, but he couldn’t manage the actual handling of funds. So we paused the allowance, and we talked about money instead. We talked about why when he asked for me to buy something why I didn’t always say yes. We talked about how we prioritize the things we spend our money on (which, by the way, was the answer to the previous question). We talked about how to make money; and where to keep our money safe. So while he was not prepared to handle money, he was more than ready to start talking about money.

Only you will be able to gauge where your child’s abilities are. But, I would encourage you to start earlier than later. With that said, I would give a few very high-level suggestions.

When should you start talking to your child about money?

Now, always, and often. It is a topic that runs through everything we do, and we need to demystify it for our children. We want our children to be comfortable talking to us about anything; then we need to reciprocate that by talking to them about everything.  Money, in my opinion, is one of the most important topics we need speak to them about. You can start from birth, friends of mine co-authored a book called The ABC’s of Wealth that introduces the concepts of financial literacy in an ABC style.

When should we start teaching them about saving and spending?

As soon as they can understand that you need to pay for the food you eat, they are ready to understand these concepts. If you start an allowance with your child, they will get a chance to experience these concepts intimately.

When should we start teaching them about debt and credit?

As soon as they ask to “borrow money” from you. A request for an advance on an allowance is an excellent opportunity to introduce this concept. Don’t wait until your child gets a $10,000 student loan deposited in their account when they are 18 to start talking to them about credit and debt, I’m not saying its too late, but you are not doing your child any favours by waiting.

When to start an allowance?

I would suggest waiting until your child is comfortable with the coin and bill denominations.  They must also be able to do basic adding and subtracting unassisted. On average, this should happen around grade one. I believe by grade three all families that can afford to give a child an allowance should have started to do so.

I understand that suggesting that you provide your child with an allowance assumes that your family has the resources to provide a family member with a salary for just living,  I do not believe in an allowance for chores. I know that this is not always the case. If you are not able or do not agree with the idea of giving your child an allowance, I will encourage you to give your child exposure to money and money management in other ways.

Here are some ways to expose your child to money management.  Go grocery shopping with your child.  Have them shop for items.   Talk to them about pricing, discounts, sales, taxes, quality, scams, deals, budgeting. But rather than just talking about it, get the child engaged. Instead of a personal allowance, determine your families lunch, or dinner budget and have your child do the shopping, pricing out items to stay within the budget. If they can stretch the budget, maybe let them keep the difference.

The Objective

The goal behind all of this is to get my child to the point where they are comfortable handling money. I am hoping to get them some “real world” experience in a controlled space. I want them to know if they blow their clothing budget on some fancy shoes, there is no bailout when the weather turns. And I want them to know if they borrow money from me, they need to pay it back on time. All of this is to help prep them for what is to come.

I know talking about money can be a sensitive topic. But let’s help our kids not feel uncomfortable talking to us about it. Have you started the conversation with your kids, let me know in the comments?